Common Self-Defeating Beliefs

1. Perfectionism. "I must never fail or make a mistake.
2. Perceived Perfectionism. People will not love and accept me as a flawed and vulnerable human being.
3. Achievement Addiction. My worthiness depends on my achievements, intelligence, talent, status, income or looks.
4. Approval Addiction. I need everyone's approval to be worthwhile.
5. Love Addiction. I can't feel happy and fulfilled without being loved. If I'm not loved, then life is not worth living.
6. Fear of Rejection. If you reject me, it proves that there's something wrong with me. If I'm alone, I'm bound to feel miserable and worthless.
7. Pleasing Others. I should always try to please others, even if I make myself miserable in the process.
8. Conflict Phobia. People who love each other shouldn't fight.
9. Self-Blame. The problems in my relationships are bound to be my fault.
10. Other-Blame. The problems in my relationships are the other person's fault.
11. Entitlement. You should always treat me in the way I expect.
12. Truth. I'm right and you're wrong.
13. Hopelessness. My problems could never be solved. I could never feel truly happy or fulfilled.
14. Worthlessness/inferiority.

I'm basically worthless, defective, and inferior to others.
15. Emotional Perfectionism. I should always feel happy, confident and in control.
16. Anger Phobia. Anger is dangerous and should be avoided at all costs.
17. Emotophobia. I should never feel sad, anxious, inadequate, jealous or vulnerable. I should sweep my feelings under the rug and not upset anyone.
18. Perceived Narcissism. The people I care about are demanding, manipulative, and powerful.
19. Brushfire Fallacy. People are clones who all think alike. If one person looks down on me, the word will spread like wildfire and soon everyone will look down on me.
20. Spotlight Fallacy. Talking to people feels like having to perform undera bright spotlight on stage. If I don't impress people by being sophisticated, witty, or interesting, they won't like me.
21. Magical Thinking. If I worry enough, everything will turn out okay.
22. Low Frustration Tolerance. I should never be frustrated. Life should be easy.
23. Superman/Superwoman. I should always be strong and never be weak.

From David D. Burns, M.D.

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